How to deal with disappointment
© photo by https://timeilluminated.com
It’s ok to get your hopes up. In fact, I recommend it!
When you are dealing with a pain that takes over your life, it’s incredibly difficult to manage your expectations. Each new piece of information is perceived as a potential answer to your pain, and a sense of hope creeps in…only to be completely diminished when your pain continues without improvement. Every time I was prescribed a new medication, or a new test was done, I waited with anticipation…
Could this be the right answer?
Is this what I’ve been waiting for?
Will this be the doctor that helps me?
All I wanted, was that feeling to stop…
that feeling of hopelessness,
of worthlessness.
I was tired.
One of the biggest hardships with chronic pain is the feeling of unknown. And the continuous spiral of letdowns that perpetuate that feeling.
All I can say is this.
Every single wrong path you take will eventually lead you to the right one.
Each time a doctor told me I was “perfectly healthy” (when I so clearly was not), I cried, then I moved onto the next, and the next, and the next. Telling myself…”this could be the one thing that helps you”. It’s exhausting - I get it. But you don’t have another option, you have to keep searching. Fight for your health. Don’t ever give up. Because no one knows your body like you do. If something feels wrong, do everything in your capacity to make it feel right again.
Hope is a funny thing. It provides us with a sense of comfort, but can also diminish our spirits if held onto for too long. Chronic pain is unfortunately defined by its long-lastingness, but the way we approach the pain we’re feeling can make all the difference.
Accept the journey and the time it will take, live in the disappointment. (sorry again, for another complex task).
But the best advice I received, was to stop looking at my health as a problem that needed to be solved. There is so much importance in fighting for answers - I do not want to discredit that. But we also hold a lot of power in accepting our experiences for what they are and can learn to overcome them without having all the information in front of usI
So here’s a little reminder that each set back is NOT a setback, it’s just a stepping stone. The good days are going to come and go, along with the bad. Some weeks will be harder than others, and some months will feel like an entire year.
It’s ok. You will get there eventually.
