Let’s Get Personal - Chapter 2
My very unproductive visit to the emergency room…
Everything leading up to this day was a blur. I had already been misdiagnosed with a yeast infection twice, considered an eczema diagnosis, used a Sitz Bath nightly, and tried multiple topical creams and antibiotics (for yeast) that I shouldn’t have been on in the first place. I was in constant communication with my family doctor, but my referral appointment to a gynaecologist was at least 2 months out.
A few weeks prior to my emergency visit I developed a sore rash-like patch on the right side of my body, near my ribs.
A week or so later the rash had spread, with more spots appearing across my chest and breasts.
The morning I went to the emergency room, I woke up with the rash all over my upper body and back. I was scared and overcome with the sense that something was wrong, so I called my mom and she met me at the hospital.
Now, by this point I was a pro at being prepared for appointment days and hospital visits, so I brought my laptop to complete a final paper for school and my mom brought snacks and some health books for us to read. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get any answers from the doctor, but I figured I could at least get additional referrals to specialists that hopefully had shorter wait times.
After about 3 hours we were able to see a nurse, and then the doctor. I told the doctor my quick health story - the vaginal issues and me thinking it was related. He cut me off when I expressed some of my concerns, insisting we test for STD’s. I noticed the nurse’s expression change when he spoke to me…she was frustrated as well. He said we would do a pap smear and a blood test.
When they were about to perform the pap smear, my mom made a face of discomfort as they prepared the forceps. Here’s the thing, a pap smear is not really fun for anyone. But for someone with vaginal pain? It’s the worst. In those moments when I have to get my vagina checked. I take deep breathes and focus on something else in the room (usually the ceiling). I’m actually good at calming my body and mind, I credit that to my years spent as a dancer and learning to connect with my body.
I know that my mother’s facial expression was not intentional, but it made me SO angry because once I saw her reaction I got incredibly stressed. Suddenly, something that I thought I could handle, felt completely threatening and out of my control.
When the nurse and doctor left the room, I snapped at her. I didn’t hold a grudge, or make it an ‘ordeal’, I just expressed that if she insisted on being in the room with me then she needs to act accordingly. She took it well lol I think she knew I was tired and in a lot of pain.
I think this was the first moment I started advocating for myself more. I went to appointments alone after that. Again, my mom was wonderful and supportive during this whole process, she’s part of the reason I have a diagnosis today. I guess my point is that it gets tiring having to deal with someone else’s emotions, when you are already putting all your energy into keeping your own feelings in check.
I changed back into my clothes and then sat on a chair in the hallway waiting for results. He came back with my tests smiling, saying everything was normal with a tone of “so that means nothing is actually wrong”. But I knew something was wrong, so I requested him to write me a referral to a gynecologist.
I left feeling like I was at war with my body…
and I was losing.
(p.s. I know now that the rash was a response to the anti-fungal medication I had been taking, when I did not have a bacterial issue that needed to be treated).
